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More tariffs announced as local trade war escalates
Stock markets across Somerton, Martock & Keinton Mandeville continue to fluctuate this weekend after the latest round of trade tariffs take effect across Langport and Huish Episcopi.
Here's a reminder of what's happened so far:
15% on Friday market stall holders who bother to turn up.
30% on dog owners whose hounds urinate on plants in the town garden every day even though 800 acres of moorland is just 30 feet away.
10% on under 30s who have anxiety attacks when local bakeries run out of sour dough bread.
15% on anyone who doesn't complain about something on the 'Spotted In Somerton' facebook page.
25% on Eli's for calling last orders at 6pm on a Sunday even though the beer garden's full [edit: now reduced to 15% after extension announced]
15% on anyone who doesn't get lost in Langport's 'vintage quarter' (so many streets and little alley ways)
50% on townies who move in to the area, build a massive fence around their property, don't say hello to people out walking on the river bank and only go to local pubs on Christmas Day hoping to get a free pint.
20% on any over 60s who never had sex up Priest Lane in the 70s & 80s.
95% on people who've been living here over a year and still can't pronounce Muchelney.
and 100% on people who think Carry On Langport is a trustworthy source of local news and information.
😂
That's your Sunday bulletin folks!
Thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!
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Rocking the boat since 2015.
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