You're tuned to Carry On Langport and it's 3 o'clock - just in from The Town Hall - we are now honoured to publish Langport Town Council Leader Janet Seaton's Christmas Day speech.
"For me...this year has been an eventful one. One minute I was plodding along quite nicely as a backbencher on your council and then, out of the blue, there was what I believe our white flag waving friends across the channel call a "coup d'etat" (here in Britain we might call it "an abdication") and I was suddenly thrown into the limelight.
And what a few months it's been! Suddenly I have my own column in the Western Gazette, an official residence in the attic at the town hall and my own 24-hour access to the toilets in the town square. Talking of which - who is this Emma Swallows? I've never met the girl but her name seems to be all over the walls in there.
My to-do list for Langport is a lengthy one but I believe I have the support of my ministers and you for what I hope to achieve. You will appreciate I'm sure that it's not easy to have people killed...but as soon as it is physically possible I shall have something done about that awful woodwork on the windows at the house opposite the old Black Swan and likewise for the old video library and hair salon at Peony Valley (with the help of my colleagues through the chapel on Huish Episcopi Parish Council)
Businesses come and go - we are delighted to see the success of the 'new' Kelways Inn and also pleased to see that Boilertec has stopped slowly moving towards Somerton.
We wish NatWest all the best in its efforts to install camping gas sensors at its cashpoint and we are over the moon to see the continued success of 'staff training' at Tesco on Sunday nights (use the side door).
As for the state of the clock, until we get it sorted I am afraid you will have to get used to Langport's 2 different time zones (depending on which face you're looking at)
Finally, try not to be too concerned about my Prime Minister Cara Naden. Councillor Naden, well known for her dodgy dealings with the extremist group Greenpeace, can get carried away with some of her ideas. So until we somehow learn to control her, I'm afraid we all may just have to put up with her plan to re-introduce the Dodo Bird to Langport Moor.
In the meantime, I certainly intend to have a jolly good time this Christmas. Last night I was playing poker with the Freemasons up the Hanging Chapel til about 4 this morning. Today, after this speech, my family and I will be up ladders outside the Town Hall playing our annual drinking game: Pin the hands on the clock face.
In the meantime, I certainly intend to have a jolly good time this Christmas. Last night I was playing poker with the Freemasons up the Hanging Chapel til about 4 this morning. Today, after this speech, my family and I will be up ladders outside the Town Hall playing our annual drinking game: Pin the hands on the clock face.
Wherever you are and whatever you're doing today...I wish you all a happy Christmas and a prosperous and healthy new year...even if you live in Somerton."
