"Scorchio!"
The Met Office says several herons fishing on the River Parrett are expected to drop dead in the heat this afternoon as one of the most glorious days of the summer so far takes place.
"We strongly recommend taking shelter from the UV rays under any local landmarks, " said a spokeswoman, "including the vicar's hollyhocks (the church fete starts at 2pm), the Hanging Chapel, that dodgy leaning pine tree outside Kelways or that even dodgier apple tree in the garden at Eli's."
The AA says locals might as well stay in "beautiful Langport and Huish" for the weekend as roads and motorways quickly clog up.
"Several families with tattoos from Birmingham have already been seen heading towards Weston-super-Mare and Weymouth" said a spokesman.
While up on the A303 the traffic's already moving so slowly in the heat, pikeys from Wiltshire have opened a 'radiator replacement service' on the middle of Podimore Roundabout, "it's also rather a good place to hide a body" said one of them.
"We were thinking of heading down to Huish Church for the fete this afternoon" said another, "but the lead's gonna be so bloody hot on that roof we wouldn't even be able to touch it."
There are no further details.
Please sunbathe and drink Pimms responsibly...and if you take a dip in the Parrett today...look out for the Langport Pike...it dragged another train off the viaduct last week.
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