UNITED NATIONS STEPS IN
In a bid to calm rising tensions [and pastry] at the Langport Arms this week, both scotch eggs and pork pies have been removed from the menu until United Nations peacekeepers arrive in the town.
The UN's special envoy, pictured, said she'd seen CCTV images of Friday night's altercation between customers and was "disgusted"
"Watching that footage was like being torn in two" she said [and placed on a baking tray for 40 minutes on Gas Mark 5].
Meanwhile police are still investigating the incident in the hotel's ground floor bar last week and are appealing for witnesses....and wondering if a little more gelatine ought to have been used.
There are no further details....well actually, no. There are loads. But the lawyers have told us to leave it at that.
Only in Langport.
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