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Carry On Langport's Archives

Friday, 29 September 2023

FRIDAY BULLETIN:

 

"We're sorry"

Tesco Head Office [pictured] today issued an apology to the people of Langport after it emerged the town store hadn't put prices up or discontinued any popular lines since Wednesday morning.

"It won't happen again" said CEO Ken Murphy on the phone to Carry On Langport from Welwyn Garden City in the last hour, "there's obviously been some sort of computer glitch, we think maybe the cleaner accidentally unplugged the Aldi Price Match server when he was hoovering" he added.

Mr Murphy also revealed he'd "had a word" with the local manager about another issue at the Langport supermarket this [Friday] afternoon.

"It appears that, with an almost full car park and packed store, we had two manned checkouts open" he said "quite outrageous when one would have been ample"

There are no further details.

 If you feel prices at Langport Tesco aren't going up fast enough or that not enough of your favourite products are being discontinued, then you can e-mail Mr Murphy directly on

coursewe'renotprofiteering@butcanwealsohavetheshirtoffyourback.com

👍

 

IN OTHER NEWS:

 

 

Halfway House bar manager finally sheds famous locks!

 After several years, thousands of gallons of Timotei and at least 3 near-death experiences cycling past High Ham Windmill, the bar manager at the Halfway House at Pitney has finally had his famous locks cut off.

Pictured with pub owners Mark and Lucie David before he tripped over a lawnmower, Robin Porter [who asked not to be named] unveiled his new look some days ago.

Asked what the biggest difference was to going back to having short hair and no fringe again after so many years, Mr Porter replied it was the huge improvement in his vision that struck him the most.

 "Fuck me, I thought I still worked at the Crown!" he told us.

There are no further details. 

That's if for this Friday folks, log in again soon!

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