A selection of letters and e-mails to Carry On Langport's editor. We will refuse to publish any correspondence which includes threatening or obscene language.
Dear Sir,
My brother, Uncle and I have all recently been fired from the hand car wash service at Cannard's Grave on the way up to Shepton Mallet and so we find ourselves short of money and looking for work again.
Could you or any of your readers possibly put us in touch with Arthur Daley at his used car lot next to the Rose and Crown in Huish Episcopi? We have noticed several dirty 1980s motorcars stacked up outside and wondered if he was in need of a hand job (we don't use machines).
Anyone who knows Mr Daley please contact us via the Romanian Embassy. Many thanks
Karl, Stefan and Boris.
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To the Editor,
My friends and I were walking down North Street the other day and were shocked to see that not only had the White Lion shut down, but the Way Side Cafe had also closed. When did that happen?! What a loss to Langport and how sad that future youngsters in the area won't ever see a carpet like that.
The only good news seems to be that the Kelways Inn has kindly stepped in and adopted the cafe's old pinball machine - but alas - no cigarette ash in the curry sauce and chips.
Yours,
Hilda Bottomhedges - Chair of Langport over 70s club.
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To whom it may concern,
While we are always happy to read of the adventures of residents from all over Langport and Huish Episcopi - could I remind you that several of your readers live in Bond's Pool, just next to the Hanging Chapel.
We have been feeling neglected for some time. The only time anyone ever bothers with us is when they want to take photographs of our ridiculously low-ceiling red-brick cottages...or when they need to cut through to the rec or get to the scout hut.
Maybe in future your blog could include the odd story from our little line of modest homes?
Sorry to rant but it seems nobody really takes us seriously anymore.
Many thanks,
The oompa loompas.
Two Bond's Pool residents waving traffic through the Hanging Chapel yesterday.
Dear Editor,
May I complain in the strongest terms about your promotion last week of the 'love in the aisles' singles night at Langport Tesco - which took place on Friday evening.
Your blog advert seems to have attracted all sorts of riff-raff into the store. While my husband and I were browsing in the dessert aisle I had my tinned peaches grabbed by a farmer brandishing a large Spanish Chorizo and shouting "show'us yer bacon".
My husband could only get rid of him by luring him up the drinks aisle with a kipper.
There were several other incidents and apparently the vicar - who'd only popped in to stock up on gin - has told the Church Magazine she'll never wear her cassock after dark down there again.
In future I shall be getting my meat and veg in The One Stop.
Yours disgustedly,
The Mayoress of Pitney.
Editor,
My wife and I read with interest an article in the most recent edition of The Western Gazette (page 7) entitled 'Sex Parties at Campsite Remain on Hold'.
The Gazette always makes a good read but I'm afraid this time some vital detail was left out. The paper only gives the address as 'off the A303 near West Camel'. Could you possibly investigate this further and supply us with more detailed directions?
Many thanks.
Yours faithfully,
Mr and Mrs Saunders.
