A selection of letters (mainly e-mails) to the Editor.
We strive to publish all correspondence with Carry On Langport but will refuse to print anything abusive or threatening.
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Dear Sir,
Could you please tell us when 'bike nights' will start again at the Rose and Crown in Huish Episcopi.
The events were a highlight of our year in 2015 and there was nothing my wife and I liked more than putting on leather trousers, tops and jackets and heading down to Eli's every Wednesday...even though we're not the slightest bit interested in motorcycles.
I'm delighted to say that over the winter we both got tattoos in Yeovil. Mine says 'detention' and my wife's says 'Cane me here'. So we are more than ready for the relaunch of 'bike nights'!
Many thanks.
Mr and Mrs Saunders, Kingsbury Episcopi.
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To the Editor,
Thank you for your recent coverage of my horrific accident at Pitney Village Hall when two Village People violently pushed me into the buffet as they danced to their favourite local band - Three Tonnes of Arse.
May I point out though that you are incorrect when you report that I was "catapulted into a bowl of coleslaw", it was infact tuna pasta.
Apart from that, every other aspect of your story was completely accurate and I still await my compensation from the two men - whom I believe are still on the run.
Yours,
Vivien Winterburn, Pitney.
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Dear Sir or Madam,
Just a quick note from our hide-out in the bushes near Aller to say that there was a slight error in your report of the night we pushed a woman's face into a bowl of trifle at Pitney Village Hall.
We are not civil partners, no no no, we had only just met.
Apart from that, every other aspect of your story was completely accurate.
Regards,
Nicholas Wheller and Christopher Smolden.
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To the Editor,
Could you inform your readers that throughout the period of the Nudefest planned at Horney Lakes near Langport this summer - we will be suspending our dyke dredging operations to avoid any distress.
Thank you,
The Environment Agency.
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Dear Sir,
During a particularly rampant meeting earlier this year we realised we had lost the plug to our hot tub.
Would you ask Tesco if we could possibly have one of theirs...you know...the ones sewn into the bottom of their handheld shopping baskets.
We would be most appreciative.
Many thanks,
Langport Freemasons, The Hanging Chapel.
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Editor,
I recently bought the cottage next to the Hanging Chapel.
Being an outsider - I was born in Somerton - can I just say that I am rather alarmed at the amount of Langport refugees flooding through the chapel at night - seeking a better life in Huish Episcopi. Is anything being done about this?
Secondly, some Monday nights I hear the noise of bubbling and gurgling coming from upstairs in the chapel. Sometimes I even see kippers being thrown out of the windows. It all seems rather exciting...how can I get involved?
All the best,
Name and address supplied.
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