An Apology

It won't happen again.

A complaint's been made about the use of the above picture some months ago which Carry On Langport reported as being the staff at Langport Surgery's Dispensary. We offer our sincere apologies and are only too happy to correct our story. This is, of course, the dispensary staff at Somerton Surgery, not Langport.

 

Staff at Langport Surgery Dispensary, pictured above on their coffee break earlier this week, said they were "disappointed" with our error but would only accept our apology if we agreed to phone back after 8 o'clock tomorrow morning.

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Some news just in...

Old war time poster discovered still attached to lamp post at Eastover....

 

There are no further details at the moment.

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Forget Somerton...

Where will Langport put its quota of refugees?

As Western Gazette readers come to terms with the news that the former old people's home Wessex House in Somerton could be converted into accommodation for Syrian refugees...questions are now being raised over where Langport would house its quota.

Rumours The Langport Arms Motel could also be partially taken over to house refugees have been rubbished by the landlords. "Apparently Syrians don't like Black Forest Gateau" said Malcolm as he wiped more cobwebs off the 'For Sale' sign outside. "What about the White Lion?" he suggested...."plenty of space in there."

carryonlangport.blogspot.com 

On a more serious note - to get a real understanding of why so many tens of thousands of Syrians have fled their country - check out this mobile phone recording of what The Syrian Air Force does to its own towns and cities on a daily basis.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_iYQlMw0r0 

Promotion...

Tonight's TV...

Advertisement...

Midweek Bulletin

Excitement across Langport and Huish as local restaurant launches 'new line'...

Staff at The Grange say everything's ready for the autumn season...

...as they're photographed shopping in Soho this week...the O'Malley twins deny Wednesday's bike nights at the family pub at Huish are 'taking over their lives slightly'...

...and Langport-based butcher says new self-service department is "going well"...

 Not been getting updates? Try re-entering your e-mail address in the box at the bottom of posts. Or - via Facebook - 'like' the posts regularly.

Carry On Reading!

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Langport Surgery...again

Probe into fundraising at doctor's.

No sooner do things start to calm down at Langport Surgery after the Angel Fish attack earlier this month which saw a pensioner dragged into the waiting room aquarium...than another controversial issue raises its head at the practice. There are allegations that the current fundraiser to help pay for automatic doors on the front of the building is just a sham - and that the practice manager in fact intends to buy a second hand pair from One Stop for fifty quid.

"It's not so far fetched actually" said a spokeswoman for the convenience shop in the car park precinct, "we've got an old pair out the back, although the surgery would have to come and free up a scratchcard user who's been stuck in them since last Christmas...which is when we stopped using them."

Carry On Langport went to the surgery and asked for an official comment but we were sent away and told to ring after 8 o'clock tomorrow morning - either that or phone NHS Direct and speak to an Indian in Cardiff. We also approached the girl on the till at One Stop for her take on the situation but she only asked us if we'd like a bag. There are no further details.

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Coming Soon...

The Practice Manager at Langport Surgery tells Town Clerk David Mears he's been invited to another one of  Town Council Leader Janet Seaton's candle-lit dinner parties...

The Vicar of Huish drops her Nokia charger in the font during a christening just as Eli's changes a lightbulb in the skittle alley...

Pendra's is evacuated as man swims down Parrett from Bridgwater for fishcake and chips...

Huish Pool denies rumours someone's been mixing magic mushrooms in with the chlorine...

and roadworks contractors at The Highways Agency tell the landlord of the Halfway House "this has to stop"...

 Log in again soon!

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How much?!

Muchelney Thimble House goes up for rent.

The 2015 'Realistic rent of the year' prize has been awarded to the owners of Muchelney's much-loved and recently renovated Thimble House. The listed building can now be leased for £525 per month. Several locals choked on their organic gluten-free low-yeast homemade bread as they read the ad in local papers in recent days. For more details go to the Greenslade Taylor Hunt website. A spokeswoman said she was certain there'd be strong local and national interest in the property...but she wasn't sure timelords and anyone trying to swing a cat would be that keen.

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EDITOR'S NOTE...

Following via Facebook?

Quite a few remarks from people in recent weeks that they're no longer getting updates via Facebook. Not quite sure why but someone's suggested 'liking' posts more often (if you like them!) to re-activate any dead Facebook instructions to send them to your wall. You can also do The Carry On Langport team a favour by clicking 'share' when/if an article makes you chuckle.

Last but not least, try entering your e-mail address at the bottom of posts on the main blog page to be sent updates. If you want to do it all manually and check the blog yourself now and then...updates usually go out between Friday and Sunday with the odd 'exclusive' in the week.

Nice one. Carry On Reading.

 Julian Temperley, above, says he's been in his attic 3 times this week to try to sort out his internet connection but still can't get Carry On Langport's updates. We've sent out an engineer (with three plastic gallon containers) to see if he can help.

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Sponsorship...

Go out and get your Western Gazette!

Check out the latest front page story on the Somerton and Langport edition of the award-winning Western Gazette...which we believe is this week sponsored by Frank Spencer Heating and Plumbing Services Ltd.

What a carry on! (allegedly)

carryonlangport@blogspot.com

Long May She Reign

Parish Council Leader breaks predecessor's record.

There've been celebrations this week as Huish Episcopi's parish council leader reaches a record-breaking milestone. Shirley Nicholas, pictured above some years ago when she heard the then local vicar had sold the church hall on e-bay and bought a derelict pub in Langport with the money, has now chaired the local authority for 663 years, 7 months and 2 days. It means that Dame Shirley - first elected the week the Langport Arms went on the market back in 1352 - is the longest serving holder of the title beating several of her ancestors.

Unveiling a suspect hanging basket display at Courtfield yesterday, the council leader thanked well-wishers for their messages of support. Moments later, her partner - a dodgy Somerset Prince - lived up to his reputation for speaking his mind and asked if the Courtfield development was still all council housing and if that meant they were all on benefits. But the gaffe didn't ruin the day and Dame Shirley, waving serenely to the crowds, got back in her stretched limousine which - on its way out of Courtfield - accidentally drove over Langport Town Council Leader Janet Seaton's foot.

For more details, a close-up of the look on Councillor Seaton's face and the chance to win souvenir plates of Dame Shirley - see the next edition of the award-winning local magazine Levelling Langport.

Above: Huish Episcopi Parish Council Vice-chairman Graham Lock, photographed as he watched Dame Shirley's limousine driving over Councillor Seaton's foot.

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Drayton Street Fair

Counterfeit Goods Scare

Somerset County Council's Trading Standards Department has admitted it'll be sending at least 3 'undercover' officers to today's Drayton Street Fair. 

"We're looking for counterfeit hanging baskets" said a spokesman, as he disguised himself as a local bellringer and practiced buffing his clapper, "we also believe dealers from Curry Rivel and Fivehead will be here attempting to sell contraband lavender bags and illegal runner bean chutney."

"It's the most exciting thing that's happened here since a customer approached the bar at the Drayton Arms" said a local woman, as she turned her trestle table upside down and got the scouts to oil the legs.

 It's widely suspected Huish Episcopi's last vicar - above - may also be at Drayton Street Fair today selling off more of the village's family silver.

Todays event finished at 4pm.

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Muchelney Pottery

 

Milestone for John Leach

As reported in the most recent edition of The Western Gazette, Muchelney potter John Leach has now been growing his beard for fifty years. To mark the achievement, Mr Leach is holding a special exhibition at his pottery near Langport. It includes a life-size model of the combine harvester which seized-up when it hit him chin-on in a corn field near Thorney 20 years ago plus photographs of the many barbers killed while trying to trim it in recent decades. Also a selection of young farmers who've lived in it over the years.

John, whose beard is often mistaken for the centre of Podimore Roundabout, denies allegations in The Daily Mail last week that a family of Pikeys had now moved in under his bottom lip.

"Ridiculous" he said, "I rent that to Julian Temperley."

Anyone wishing to visit the John Leach's Beard 50th Anniversary Exhibition should e-mail: lookatthestateofthat@hotmail.com

Mr Leach - above - was arrested in December last year while studying the design of ceramic chimney pots on houses in Kingsbury Episcopi. He was only caught when burning embers from a fireplace below ignited his beard...causing a 2-mile high flare to be seen from as far away as Yeovil Police Station.

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TV Promo...

Can't get in? Enjoy it all from the comfort of your armchair on the BBC!

TV promo...

Coming soon...just like the bailiffs did.

TV promo...

A new comedy coming soon to BBC Langport! 

(adults only)

Fish attack at Surgery

Pensioner 'pulled head first' into aquarium.

An elderly woman's recovering after being pulled head first into the aquarium in the waiting room at Langport Surgery. It's believed an Angel Fish which hadn't been fed since July lunged at the 79 year-old as she argued with Doctor Balai over the correct spelling of haemorrhoids. 

Eye-witnesses say after several seconds of frantic splashing, the woman - known locally as Dirty Gerty from Number 30 - emerged from the water with the fish flapping around in her underwear. "No change there then" muttered one of the on-lookers as he read the surgery's 1983 February copy of Reader's Digest for the 23rd time.

The creature had to be removed surgically by a member of staff from the nearby Pendra's fish and chip shop and is now being treated for clap at Heaven's Gate.

Speaking to reporters outside the surgery, the woman - who was also dragged into the River Parrett by a pike last summer - complained that if Doctor Balai had stopped trying to be a smart arse and just written 'pile cream' on her prescription then "none of this would've happened."

Gerty, who runs the brothel at the bottom of Priest Lane, said she'd been "traumatised" by the incident and added that in future she'd be getting her drugs from "that dodgy place on Cheapside". That'll be Boots then Gerty.

A  spokeswoman at Langport Surgery denied rumours that Liz and Pete Nightingale and Doctor Gibson - none of whom have been seen for years - were killed by the same Angel Fish in 2009.

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We need your vote!

'Langport trannies' at it again...

No sooner does the end of the summer holiday begin to rear its head...and the Transition Langport Group is at it again...and it's all good stuff. Known affectionately in the Western Gazette's classified ads as 'The Langport Trannies' (just under 'The Farmer Wants A Wife' section) - this time the group wants us to vote online to secure what could be as much as £40,000. The money would go towards paying for solar panels on the roof of the Ridgeway Hall. The hall's already been shortlisted and votes have to be in by the end of September. Go on - give them a hand - it'll keep them off my back.

There are unconfirmed reports that Langport's Town Clerk and the editor of Levelling Langport Magazine (above) are both secret members of the Transition Langport Group but nothing's been rectified.

To help Langport win the M&S Community Energy Fund grant - visit this website to cast your vote:

www.mandsenergyfund.com/project/28391

 carryonlangport.blogspot.com

FAMINE - DISEASE - RIOTS

...as Langporters struggle to live on without fibre-optic broadband...

We send our condolences to the town of Langport - pictured above - which in the words of the Western Gazette is in 'anguish' as it waits for fibre-optic broadband to be connected to improve internet speeds. Is it? It sure is, in Western Gazette land anyway, over on page 3 we learn - to our horror - that residents are also 'in despair' over the issue. 

Ok so here comes the rant...while we all agree that slow internet speeds are frustrating and can indeed affect your business...can we not reserve words like 'despair' and 'anguish' in newspaper headlines for more serious stories? Fatal accidents on the A303?...or further afield the huge loss of life at the Shoreham airshow? Or the tragedy of drowning immigrants in capsized boats in the Mediterranean?

We all often shout at our computers, smart phones and tablets when the internet is painfully slow...of course we do...but does it give us anguish? Are we in despair every time it happens? The Gazette is an award-winning paper and deservedly so, but come on get a grip. We've all lived with slow (or no) internet speed round here for years...but nobody's ever died have they. Come on Guts Ache...let's have a bit of perspective.

(Rant over...normal service resumed in a few moments)

Above: Somerton, where households and businesses already benefit from fibre-optic broadband.

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Midweek Bulletin...

The manager of Langport's Chinese takeaway comes out in support of the Town Council's plan for solar panels on the Ridgeway Hall...and admits he's been "doing his wife's spring rolls" with solar for years...

Landlord and Landlady of The Kelways Inn 'up against it' as jobsworths at South Somerset District Council order them to get rid of the Aga in the bar because the flue on the outside wall "doesn't fit in"...

 Home and business owners say they're "not at all concerned" about the annual end-of-summer Labour Party knees-up at Coombe near Langport this Sunday...

carryonlangport.blogspot.com

Fosters News

End of an era as owners weigh out a bag of jelly babies for the last time...

Just a quick note to say that after clocking up an impressive 22 years behind the counter, Sue and Tony at Fosters News on Bow Street are handing the business over to a new family. 

A flier announcing the news went out in the latest edition of the Western Gazette in which the couple, pictured above after selling their 1000th kilo of jelly babies last summer, reveal that Rimpal and Jignesh Patel are taking over from September 1st. 

Happy Retirement Sue and Tony, now you can start partying after getting up at stupid o'clock for two decades to sort the papers - and good luck Rimpal and Jignesh...we're a strange lot round 'ere mind. Can we recommend the book 'How to understand a farmer in 10 easy steps' ? Langport Library probably has a copy - it's got a very good clock built into its roof too...

Tony selling The Western Gazette on Bow Street back in 1993.

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Turned out nice again!

Torrential rain and lightning storms hit Langport.

Langporters and Huish residents have been running for cover today as downpours and thunder storms hit the area. There've been reports of at least two lightning strikes causing minor damage to a number of properties. But Bow Street residents denied The Angel had been hit with one woman saying the building had "always looked like that" and reports of screaming coming from the massage parlour at Mary Coombes were also said to be inaccurate. "That happens there most Saturdays anyway" said a Portland Road resident. 

Over at Eli's, a power surge caused 3 orange lightbulbs on the outside guttering to spring into life while inside the pub it was alleged the lightning cut the juke box out before it had played a pound's worth of songs - Landlord Steve Pittard said he was "delighted". Reports that Langport Clock had been struck were also denied, "it's always looked like that" said the town council clerk - as he tried to work out if it was twenty to eleven or half past three.

The manager at Portcullis House old people's home, above, said the rough weather had ruined her weekend and she's had to cancel her residents' game of British Bulldog this afternoon.

 But it's not all been bad news: Vicar Jess Pitman says she got her broken laptop working again after connecting it up to the lightning conductor on the tower at St Mary's. "At last I can get back on Facebook" she told us - as she changed her status to 'defrocked', put her gardening clothes on and went out to fertilize her hollyhocks.

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Crikey - he's serious!

 

Langport Ferry Service wasn't a joke...

Despite claims that a recent report on Carry On Langport wasn't accurate (an absurd accusation) we are delighted to see that the latest edition of The Western Gazette has followed our lead in reporting that Town Councillor Ian McNab has launched a ferry boat on the River Parrett. For legal reasons we can't yet say that it's moored near Stuckey's Island and neither are we allowed to reveal that it'll soon be bringing in immigrant families from Bridgwater. What we can print is that Councillor McNab is pictured on the Gazette's front page and again on page 7 proudly showing off his vessel to special guests Julian and Matilda Temperley.

 The Temperleys - above - said they were "delighted" with their ferry trip but "rather concerned" that Councillor McNab fell into a thistle bed on the river bank at The Wharf three times before managing to moor up.

Despite his injuries, Mr McNab (above) said he would "Carry On Sailing" and is already planning phase two of his project to put Langport on the tourist map: an amusement arcade on a pier at Black Bridge. Nice one Ian.

carryonlangport.blogspot.com

Midweek Bulletin

Huish Academy pupils 'say their prayers' ahead of GSCE results due out tomorrow (Thurs)...

Last weekend's wedding and birthday parties on Langport Moor keep Town Council Leader Janet Seaton up for two nights in a row...

...but Huish Parish Council's vice-chairman Graham Lock didn't mind...he smuggled himself in as one of the bridesmaids...

...this Langport couple say they're "not impressed" as Portcullis House cancels Sunday afternoon leap frog for the second time this month...

...there are unconfirmed reports that Langport yachtsman Ed Lister, missing in the Pacific since July, has been eaten by a mermaid...

...and Heaven's Gate says its dog show at the weekend was a major success and passed off "without incident"...

LOG IN AGAIN SOON!

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