So what could it be?

 

Your Thoughts:

The uncovering of what look like centuries-old if not Roman remains on the Huish Episcopi farmland where 100 homes are about to be built [yes it's farmland so why are we building on it? UK food security's obviously gone out of fashion] has sparked excitement among locals and triggered pages of speculation.

As we await the county archaeologist's official report, let's look at what people are saying in pubs, cafes and online....

😊

Could it be an early One Stop? That flagstone at the top slides open when you go near it and a tin of beans discovered in the mud there is 3 times as much as it is in Tesco. [Kenneth Williams]

I think it could be part of a shop chain, maybe connected to the place opposite Fosters newsagents & the post office......closed for 2000 years. [Peter Butterworth]

Look at those wheel barrows in the picture.....it's gotta be an early Overt Locke's. [Hattie Jaques]

It's definitely not an early Roman Freemasons Lodge, there's no sign of chariots double parked either side making it near on impossible to get through. [Charles Hawtrey]

   Look at that splashback on the stone work, it's evidently where Eli's originally located the men's urinals, why they moved 'em back within nose range is anybody's guess. [June Whitfield]

 Has ABP bought it yet? Must be room for 15 people in there surely? [Joan Sims]

😊

Certainly all food for thought.

Either way, it begs the question there must be more up there buried under the soil. How about opening it all up and making it a feature?

Or shall we just opt for more red lego houses up there instead?

Watch this space [or that hole even]

That's your Wednesday bulletin folks, thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

👍

 

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Ten Years!

 

Carry On Blogging - I'll try!

Marking Carry On Langport's 10th birthday this month, I'm reposting what has proved to be one of the blog's most popular videos ever from back in 2016. 

Clocking up over a thousand views at the time, it includes some 'in jokes' from back then which may or may not be relevant today. 

To set the scene - in his bunker in Berlin in the 1940s, Hitler is outraged the Luftwaffe don't seem to be able to hit the thing about our dear little town that he detests the most: The Langport Arms

😂

[contains very strong language]

Thanks for following this blog and its Facebook page and thanks for all the contributions

[many of which are in a safe]

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😊

 

 

HERE COMES SUMMER!

EVENT LISTINGS 

For those of us planning our spring and summer diaries, here are some of the dates you might want to make a note of, or completely avoid even if they're not your cup of tea.

There's obviously lots more going on across Somerset too but these are the well-known regulars in our neck of the woods: 

😊

Monday 5th May - Kingsbury May Festival @ Kingsbury Episcopi

Sunday 8th June - The Green Scythe Fair @ Thorney

PS - is that how you spell scythe?

Saturday 5th July - Party by the Parrett @ Kingsbury Episcopi 

10th - 12th July - PitFest @ Emmen - this is the hardcore punk heavy metal festival held every year in the Netherlands - don't type that one in to your SatNav 😐

PitFest @ Pitney [Somerset] can't find a date online - still looking/waiting. 

 

 18th - 20th July - The Steam Fair & Country Show @ Low Ham - if you've never been - it's a great venue, great site up there on the hill and it's not all about steam engines & tractors....there's a lot more going on up there including live music, shows, displays & fun for the kids 👍

Finally

There are unconfirmed reports that Westcountry charity event promoters Gamble & Holland, who can't be named for legal reasons, may be putting together a 30th anniversary 'bike ride' one Saturday this summer.

 

Wagg Drove, 1995

For those of you who remember these events back in the 90s....this news will either terrify or delight you.

Watch this space!

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Established 2015

😊

CHECKPOINT CHAPEL

 

Merge baby, Merge!

As Huish and Langport continue to impose tit-for-tat trade tariffs on each other's goods, work's begun this morning on ANPR cameras and passport control barriers at Checkpoint Chapel. 

There are no further details.

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Rocking the boat since 2015

😊

 

BREAKING NEWS:

 

TAKE COVER!

In Langport this morning a teenager fainted at a cafe when he noticed a couple on another table eating bacon.

A young mother in a car far too big for the army let alone her and her young son was heard asking what time Garden City opened because she needed some hanging baskets.

And a woman with a 7-bedroom house and room for a pony was heard telling a shop keeper on Bow Street how she'd moved here from "Sherborne" without pronouncing the Dorset town's 2 letter Rs.

 

THIS IS A GENERAL TOWNWIDE ALERT:

 

Take all necessary precautions - bellringers & farmers - you have been warned.

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😊

 

SUNDAY BULLETIN:

Let's get the big story out the way!

Somerset Council has decided that it's not really fair that some towns in the county have free parking while others have it charged, some town councils [not ours] even pay to keep some of theirs free.

And so changes could be on the way which are highly likely to involve some sort of fee to park in some or all of Langport's main car parks.

A plan to introduce overnight fees appears to have been dropped, but the day time proposals are still in the pipeline and will first have to be put out to public consultation, which according to a recently updated statement from Somerset Council has already been happening....

No no no, the Langport Area Business Group [LABG+] has already had a meeting about it, local councillors appear to be well informed but there's little evidence that Joe Public's been told much about it.

We're still waiting for the 'full' public consultations to begin. 

[Use of the word 'full' a tad cheeky here when there don't appear to have been any at all with the public so far]

The issue has raised questions and naturally provoked much gossip and comment in the town's cafes, pubs & clubs.

 

 

Let's look at a few things Hilda and her mates have been saying:

[rightly or wrongly]

"It'll never happen, the land's not Somerset Council owned - it's Langport's" IVY TILSLEY

"Residents with no parking of their own [most of Bow Street & Cheapside] will surely get some sort of permit? But will the permit be free?" ANNIE WALKER

"Yes, make the bloody paddleboarders that hog the carpark all day between April and September and leave their litter behind pay something - the buggers" ALBERT TATLOCK

"Would any money raised even go to Langport? Wouldn't Somerset Council get it?" EDDIE YATES

and

"Does anyone know when the Langport Arms porch is being rebuilt?" STAN OGDEN

 

So there you go. As soon as we see that the official 'full' [!] public consultations are open we will post a link for you to click on and take part.

But for now, dear reader, that is all we know or think or assume or imagine....etc etc.

Diddly squat about it on Langport Life by the way, that's our town council's official website. Unless it's hidden away somewhere 6 clicks in.

Biggest story facing Langport in years, if not decades, and nothing about it.

Long Sutton daffodil festival's on it though.

But updates have been appearing from time to time on the Facebook page Langport - Where It's To, which for those not in the know is Carry On Langport's much better behaved big sister

 😁😁😁

 

That's it on the parking story....just a few pieces of other news and a few events for you folks: 

Get those grey cells vibrating

Quiz Night at The Old Pound in Aller!

 

 

The big Aller pub quiz is TONIGHT!

Boasting 10 rounds of 10 questions each, subject categories include general knowledge, history, British Olympians and poetry.

And then the usual much-loved 'local' rounds too including village feuds going back 200 years, skittle match results from the 1970s and Middlezoy inbreeding figures.

It's £2 per person, maximum 6 people per team and there'll be 30 quid's worth of drinking put behind the bar for the winners.

It all kicks off at 6:30pm

😊

Later this month up on land at Pibsbury:

 

and finally some good or at least promising news from Somerton:

👍👍👍

 

That's your Sunday bulletin done & dusted folks.

Thanks for the contributions.

Comments, complaints & observations - as always - in the comments section on the Facebook page please!

carryonlangport.blogspot.com

Established 2015

😊

 

Last Night's TV:

We asked 100 people where they thought Langport's controversial new proposed 'rural bus hub' should be and our survey said:

 

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😊

 

Langport? Congested?

 

Whatever Gave You That Idea?

For those of you who thought our little town was already congested, the site of a headline on the BBC News website this morning is enough to make your jaw drop.

Forget those days when traffic grinds to a halt as bin lorries do their rounds, Boots has a van delivery, people stop their cars outside the charity shops to unload a vase and HGVs try to squeeze through...look what's coming:

 

 

Who came up with that idea for goodness sake?

[and what an unrepresentative photograph of Bow Street traffic, when was this taken? Christmas Day?]

So there ya go folks, Somerset's smallest town with one of the narrowest streets in England is about to be the location of a new rural countywide bus hub.

On The Buses? 

Off Their Heads more like! You couldn't write it!

 

 

If it goes ahead, let's hope drivers get extra training in how to get around post office corner eh.

And that includes you Butler!

To read the full BBC online article click HERE

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😊

 

Tonight's TV:

 

It's The Big Day!

Celebrating 40 years of everyone's favourite soap!

😂

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😊

Trump Targets Eco-Homes

 a

More Interference from Washington:

Donald Trump has announced plans to 'relocate' anyone living on the East Bank in Langport and turn it in to a Riviera [2 golf courses, a pier and an amusement arcade] 

Known for not liking anything with the word 'Eco' in the title, the President told Carry On Langport it was high time the riverside slum was redevelopped.

There are no further details.

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😊

 

 

FRIDAY BULLETIN:

 

U-TURN AT WHITE HOUSE 

Following our report earlier this month that Donald Trump had put in a bid for Huish Episcopi on Ebay, the President's now reportedly changed his mind.

Chatting to Stormy Daniels on Whatsapp last night, he revealed he'd withdrawn his bid.

"It was the local academy that he wasn't interested in" said Miss Daniels from her holiday home on Priest Lane.

"Damn right" said Mr Trump, "I don't like cats and I wouldn't know what to do with that many pronouns"

The President also hinted that the little town on the river next door always asking to be bailed out had also put him off acquiring Huish.

"Merge baby, merge" he told reporters.

There are no further details. 

Thanks for the contributions and log in again soon!

😊

 

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News From The Doctor's Waiting Room:

 

Film Night Cancelled

Movie fans were left disappointed earlier this week when they turned up for the monthly film night at Langport Surgery only to find the big screen had been removed.

Due to technical issues, the entire set up's had to be taken down and sent away for repairs.

It means the scheduled showing of Carry On Matron has been put off until March.

Back to the 70s!

"The missing screen's also affecting the day-to-day running of the surgery" said Nurse Jacques as she chased Eastover man Frankie Howerd around with a large daffodil.

"Until it's back, GPs will have to wander in to the waiting room and call out the name of whoever's got the next appointment" she added.

For many Langporters over a certain age this will be an easy change to adjust to, as it's similar to how legendary receptionist Mrs Phillips ran the surgery for much of the second half of the 20th century.

Sliding back her glass window and announcing a name and closing it again before you'd even got up and started walking.

Those were the days!

Before we finish, here's what's showing on 'the big screen' at the surgery's monthly film club when everything's back up and running (with the usual break for the summer):

March - Carry On Matron [factual]

April - No Sex Please, We're Huish! [factual]

May - The Life & Times of Harold Shipman [horror]

June - Hot Fuzz [official advice for Cardamom customers]

September - Chitty Chitty Gang Bang [live version from Cartgate Roundabout]

October - Deep Impact [for suppository users]

November - The Human Centipede [educational]

December -  Is That My Yule Log or Yours? [seasonal comedy]

😊

Definitely worth a look!

Film club organisers say everybody's welcome, no need to join, just ring reception at 8.30 in the mornng on the day of the showing to get a seat.

That's it for now folks, thanks for the contributions and log in again soon!

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😊

TV NEWS:

 

The Showbiz Rumours Are True!

It's parents driving kids to and from the scout hut versus householders on one of Langport's narrowest streets as TV bosses announce the return of an old family favourite:

 

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Established 2015

😊

 

Wednesday Bulletin!

MIDNIGHT ARSE MASS ANYONE?

The United Reform Church says it's investigating claims a couple who, while staying in Langport over the festive season, mistakenly visited one of its former chapels on Christmas Eve.

Audrey and Rupert Rimburn from Grimsby have accused the URC of not updating its website after they went to Bow Street expecting to attend midnight mass.

Unbeknown to the Rimburns, Langport's United Reform Church closed 2 years ago and has since been turned into a massive air B&B style 'party house' attracting groups of over 20 people from all over the country.

"Walking towards the gates and expecting a good service" said Mrs Rimburn, "we were disgusted to hear people inside singing Give Me Oil Up My Ramp, Keep Me Gurning"

"Furthermore, 3 middle-aged women then fell out of the chapel's main door laughing and mooned at traffic outside a local takeaway called Ichi Tong" she added, "which we found doubly disgusting"

Hula Hoop Properties, which runs the Bow Street venue plus others in High Ham and Westport, declined to comment saying it preferred not to get involved in 'church business'

The company also refused to confirm or deny rumours it's currently got its eyes on Portcullis House and Ashley House.

There are no further details.

😊

In other news

NOT FOR HIRE

An independent taxi service around Langport and the surrounding towns and villages is no longer operating after its founder and driver finally retired.

Joy of Joy's Taxis, or 'Taxidermus Joyeaux' as the Romans called her, has decided to call it a day and have a much deserved break.

We wish her well! 

Our area has long been under-served by local taxi companies and now with Joy quitting, that gap in the market has widened further.

Any takers? 

😊

And finally

It's Wassail Season! 

Or as us locals look at it, just another excuse to go out and get pissed up in winter....

Two listed for you so far, the first one is this Saturday down past Aller:

 

The carpark at Bere is known for filling up very quickly. That, combined with narrow country lanes, it may be a good idea to sort out some sort of car share or even a lift there folks. You have been warned!

The second Wassail we have for you isn't until next month and is in Low Ham.

Some of you may well have tried a pint or five of Tricky's cider at the steam fair last summer:

 [and then woken up hugging an old boiler at 4am in the main arena 😂]

Worth a look!

That's all we have for the moment and that's your Wednesday bulletin folks. 

Thanks for the contributions 

[the mooning thing actually happened down outside the party house apparently 😂 if only somebody had taken a few pictures!]

Log in again soon!

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Established 2015

😊

BREAKING NEWS:

 

 As Canada, Greenland and Panama digest yesterday's news, Donald Trump's just confirmed he put in a bid for Huish Episcopi on Ebay last night. 

There are no further details but we'll keep you updated as more information comes in.

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 😊

Oh dear...

FRIDAY BULLETIN:

Local optician apologises as work experience girl sends Langport customers 'wrong' D.I.Y eye chart for Christmas.

 

 

Oh dear!

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 😊

Ho Ho Ho!

 Wishing you all a happy Christmas!

Have a great day and week of festivities and make sure you don't miss the big TV event of the year. 

It's the final episode and everyone's talking about it! 

 

 

Enjoy!

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😊

ALL BETTER NOW!

 

Delighted to see they're all doing well

This was the 40th anniversary Tone Vale reunion at Pitney yesterday.

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😊

Thanks for that then.....

 

BREAKING NEWS: 

Langport & Huish residents [pictured] have announced plans to bugger off in a coach to Weymouth next week after hearing local pubs, who they've supported all year [and much of their lives], can't be arsed to stay open until midnight on New year's Eve.

Hey ho there ya go.

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😊

PUBIC MEETING TODAY (Dec 10th)

 

 [sorry - the keyboard's paying up again]

 

 

Remember the application for 100 new homes on the agricultural land on this field? On your left as you drive across Kelways roundabout in the Somerton direction?

You remember....the one over 100 people objected to on South Somerset District Council's website but they approved anyway. That's the one! 

There's a meeting about it at the town hall today (Dec 10th)

....and as the poster above says "Your opinions are really important to us"

 

IN OTHER NEWS:

It's going to be bloody windy this weekend across the shire folks, even talk of 70mph gusts on Saturday afternoon which is already causing a handful of local events to be scrapped.

Including the above which many people had put a lot of time and effort in to. Commiserations, can't be helped....it certainly sounds like we need to batten down the hatches!

Not everyone's disappointed at the decision to scrap the fireworks though.

"I'd rather have storm Darragh." said Victor Meldrew from his home on Cheapside, 

"At least I'll be able to hear it"

NEWS FROM 'THE NORTH FACE'

Trees, bramble, thistle and other debris have been removed from the banks of the backwater along North Moor this week.

Trouble is...looks like the old gravel path to and from Tesco has gone as well.

While that's being sorted out....look what the removal of thick bramble over the stonework has uncovered at the back of the town garden:

 

The two arches on the right seem to have surprised a few people.

Any thoughts?

😊

 

AND FINALLY:

If you've never been, this is right on our doorsteps folks....

 

That's your Friday bulletin done and dusted. 

Thanks for the contributions, carry on reading and don't park your cars under any trees....Darragh's on his way!

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😊

Back In The Day:

 

 

Who remembers this? 

Broadcasting across Somerset from the Mendip Mast this commercial radio station in Taunton had half the county listening in its heyday. 

Launching today in 1989 it made household names of DJs like Bob McCreadie, Phil Easton and Steve Carpenter. Jeremy Kyle even did a stint on Saturday mornings [no really - he did] 

A radio station in the county, for the county & staffed by people from the county (unlike Greatest Hits Somerset which fails to tick all 3 of those boxes] 

Thank you Orchard FM!

🧡

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😊

 

How much?!

A selection of your correspondence to Carry On Langport this week:

*****

Dear Sir,

As affordable homes to rent for locals starting out in life continue to be replaced by Air B&Bs and a growing number of shops take the decision to sell a ceramic egg cup for 45 quid, can I say that my wife and I are delighted that we chose to move to Langport from Surrey.

We're even more delighted that the Home Office is considering renaming Bow Street 'Chelsea High Street'

Please pass on our congratulations to the town's Glitterati, all we need now is a railway station and a branch of H&M and the town's totally fit for us.

Regards,

Jerry Leadbetter

 

*****

 

To the local blogger,

As we only make between £50 (on a bad day) and £150 (on a half decent day) on our market stall selling crockery from my late mother-in-law's pantry, my husband and I decided earlier this week that the current fee of 70 pounds to have a stall at the Thursday night Christmas market in Langport was just a tad too much for us.

We will, though, continue to sell our goods in Frome, despite the fact that working class locals there have now been completely driven out and only shop in the overpriced convenience store.

Many thanks.

Sophie Wessex 

*****

Dear Carry On Langport,

Can I just say how delighted we all were to hear that the price of a plot at the Langport Christmas market this week was so cheap.

In fact, my staff and I don't think you're getting value for money and if you really want to drive out all the local artisans completely, we think it should at least be doubled.....tripled even.

[I mean who needs a hugely popular curry stall?]

Please pass on to whom it may concern.

Many thanks.

Every one at the Newt, Castle Cary.

 

*****

To the Editor,

Bruton used to be a bit like Langport.

Then we brought in the townies, daft market stall plot prices, a bunch of business owners who think they're in Frome - sorry - Canterbury and started renaming places and local landmarks to make them sound more middle class.

Then it all went tits up and lots its soul.

Careful what you wish for Langport.

Best wishes,

The Mayor of Bruton [now living on a housing estate in Bristol]

*****

To the Carry On bloke,

Shopping in Bath this week, waiting to get my 'If you want a good market, you've got to pay for it' T-shirt printed, I bumped in to some friends - Devon and Sky - who in between skiing holidays in the Alps and Safaris in Kenya have started making tiny cheap little leather bracelets and selling them for 20 quid.

"Where do you think they wouldn't be at all popular at that price?" they asked.

I didn't hesitate to suggest my home town of Langport which, sadly, they turned their noses up at within seconds.

This is what we have to put up with. Complete negativity from the upper classes.

If only we had a railway station, a branch of John Lewis and a private school then we could be just like Bruton......fucked.

Many thanks.

George Roper.

 

*****

 

That's it for this week folks!

Thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

carryonlangport.blogspot.com

[rocking the boat since 2015]

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😊

Green Light For Local Sauna!

Langport Freemasons have given the new sauna at Black Bridge the thumbs up.

Members of the lodge, pictured at the venue, gave the new facility a 'test run' yesterday saying they were most impressed with the set up.

The Rambling Hearth Sauna is a portable / mobile one which will be down at the bridge on a handful of dates over the coming months beginning next weekend.

 

[actual picture]

"We thoroughly enjoyed our time there" said master of the Hanging Chapel Lodge Monty Mountbatten.

 "We were even more impressed when we realised we could double park on all sides of the bridge blocking access to everyone else everytime we visit"

But Cynthia Payne, who runs Priest Lane Leisure Centre, said she was concerned the new Sauna might affect her business.

"Since the repair work took place, my clients can no longer lean back on the walls which has lead to many of them going elsewhere....the Sauna could be the nail in the coffin"

Derek Trotter, current chairman of the Langport Group of Businesses & Trade (LGBT+) said he hoped the two would complement one another and that he intended to give both his custom.

To find out more about the new sauna at The Bridge of Colour, see prices, and book click HERE 

👍

In Other News:

Quite a lot, but it can't be published.

Suffice it to say the inmates are still running the asylum.

Thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

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😊

TRAVEL NEWS:

 

 

From Our Local MP Sarah Dyke...

Langport life continues to fail, dwindle and die out completely as the town faces its sixth decade without a railway station. 

Isn't it awful.

[confused.com?]

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😊

 

Your Correspondence:

A selection of your e-mails and messages from the last four weeks

Dear Carry On Langport,

Walking along Bond's Pool the other day (one of Somerset's narrowest lanes) watching a parent turn up in the QE2 to drop a single child off at the scout hut, my wife and I realised we'd walked in to Huish Episcopi without our passports.

Since then we've been held at the local academy Detention Centre which I must say is marvellous. I had no idea you could get so many cats in to one building. The selection of pronouns is also outstanding.

Many thanks.

Charles Hawtrey.

 

*****

 

To the local blog,

Pizzas are fine but does anyone know if we are getting the curry people back anytime soon?

Regards,

The Kumars @ Number 42

 

*****

 

Dear Sir,

Once again this town council has f*@!?*** the @!?**! when all they needed to do was pay the @!?££*! and have a bit of forethought, picked up the phone and asked around but no they've @!££***! the f***@£! things again.

Many thanks.

Alf Garnett, The Pontoon Appreciation Society.

  

*****

To the Blog Bloke,

After several weeks of disruption at Langport Tesco, it's all finally been worth it!

The new layout and wider aisles means even more of us can now bump in to each other and stop and talk for 20 minutes, blocking access for people trying to do their shopping.

Could you pass on our thanks to the designers, workmen and staff.

Best wishes,

From everyone who went to the local primary school.

PS - still can't find the cottage cheese though.

*****

 To C.O.L,

Could we pass on our appreciation to the people of Bow Street who have had to deal with some of our clients in recent months.

Since we turned the font in to a urinal, converted the organ in to a smart speaker and the altar in to a tequila bar.....our party house at the former United Reform Church has gone from strength to strength.

However, we are aware that a small number of our guests have escaped in recent weeks, entering local establishments, asking for things local people have never heard of and making a real hash of pronouncing Huish Episcopi.

We are working on the problem and hope to resolve the issue soon.

Many thanks.

Hula Hoop Properties.

*****

To whom it may concern,

As Carry On Langport approaches its 10th birthday, can I complain about some of the rather cheap and smutty innuendo in some of your reports.

In future, I hope that whenever you detect the slightest hint of double entendre in your work that you whip it out immediately.

Many thanks.

Kenneth Williams.

 

*****

😁

That's it for now folks!

Thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

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😊