Your Correspondence:

A selection of your e-mails and messages from the last four weeks

Dear Carry On Langport,

Walking along Bond's Pool the other day (one of Somerset's narrowest lanes) watching a parent turn up in the QE2 to drop a single child off at the scout hut, my wife and I realised we'd walked in to Huish Episcopi without our passports.

Since then we've been held at the local academy Detention Centre which I must say is marvellous. I had no idea you could get so many cats in to one building. The selection of pronouns is also outstanding.

Many thanks.

Charles Hawtrey.

 

*****

 

To the local blog,

Pizzas are fine but does anyone know if we are getting the curry people back anytime soon?

Regards,

The Kumars @ Number 42

 

*****

 

Dear Sir,

Once again this town council has f*@!?*** the @!?**! when all they needed to do was pay the @!?££*! and have a bit of forethought, picked up the phone and asked around but no they've @!££***! the f***@£! things again.

Many thanks.

Alf Garnett, The Pontoon Appreciation Society.

  

*****

To the Blog Bloke,

After several weeks of disruption at Langport Tesco, it's all finally been worth it!

The new layout and wider aisles means even more of us can now bump in to each other and stop and talk for 20 minutes, blocking access for people trying to do their shopping.

Could you pass on our thanks to the designers, workmen and staff.

Best wishes,

From everyone who went to the local primary school.

PS - still can't find the cottage cheese though.

*****

 To C.O.L,

Could we pass on our appreciation to the people of Bow Street who have had to deal with some of our clients in recent months.

Since we turned the font in to a urinal, converted the organ in to a smart speaker and the altar in to a tequila bar.....our party house at the former United Reform Church has gone from strength to strength.

However, we are aware that a small number of our guests have escaped in recent weeks, entering local establishments, asking for things local people have never heard of and making a real hash of pronouncing Huish Episcopi.

We are working on the problem and hope to resolve the issue soon.

Many thanks.

Hula Hoop Properties.

*****

To whom it may concern,

As Carry On Langport approaches its 10th birthday, can I complain about some of the rather cheap and smutty innuendo in some of your reports.

In future, I hope that whenever you detect the slightest hint of double entendre in your work that you whip it out immediately.

Many thanks.

Kenneth Williams.

 

*****

😁

That's it for now folks!

Thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

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😊

SUNDAY BULLETIN:

All Change at Sky News

Sky News has unveiled its new look 'winter news team'

In a bid to cheer up viewers during the darker months, bulletins will be coming from this studio in Bali.

Presenters will be Christine Cagney and Marybeth Lacey.

Their agent Benny Hill told Carry On Langport they go on air a week tomorrow.

😊

 

Housing News

Over 250 people, looking to rent in Langport, have reportedly applied to work for the local abattoir this month.

It's now the only way you can get a room, house or flat in the town.

Halula Properties , which has one of its 'party houses' here in Langport [pictured], says it's "holding out" despite allegedly being approached by Paddy Power and his mates a number of times.

😊

 

Some news just in, we've just heard:

The Langport & District 2024 Autumn Fly Tipping prize this year has been awarded to....

The person/people who did this.

10 out of 10!

Don't worry, the manageress teleported in to the shop that morning, she didn't need to use the door. 

😡

 

In other news: 

Nice lie-in was it?

 

Putting the clock's going back last night aside for a moment, for many working folk Sundays are the only mornings of the week when you can sleep a little longer without the dreaded alarm clock telling you it's time to get up.

Not so in Langport this morning, where 3 leaf blowers sprung in to action in the town centre at 6:30am. 

SIX BLEEDIN' THIRTY!

 Thanks for that Somerset Council.

😠

And Finally

 

Many thanks to these four people who came to speak about and answer questions on the future of Langport Town and Huish Episcopi Parish councils last week.

Our very own version of Question Time took place in the Langport Arms Hotel ballroom on Tuesday evening.

Cheers, applause, the odd boo and even some laughter came from the audience of around 70/80 people.

Still a long way to go but an interesting evening and thanks again to Julia Gadd, Sean Dromgoole, Ryan O'Malley and John Wood.....

 

....and staff at the Arms [pictured]

 

*****

 

That's your Sunday bulletin done and dusted folks.

Thanks for the contributions and log in again soon!

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😊

Coming up next week:

 

Chaired by a local journalist with a panel of local guests to answer your questions, this is a week tonight folks!

Not BBC Question Time by the way, we've just 'borrowed' the title.

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😊

Public Meeting

 

See how Langport Town is dwarfed by Huish Episcopi Parish:

 

[Editor's Note: rather difficult to get that border line accurate - this is just to give an impression of the difference in size between the two - sorry folks!] 

👍

It's very early days, but moves are underway to disband Langport Town Council and Huish Episcopi Parish Council. 

The two would be replaced by a single authority with a number of responsibilities and would have control over how to spend money largely raised by council tax payments across Langport and Huish.

How many councillors would sit on any new body is yet to be ironed out and being an elected council, there's no predicting how many councillors both 'sides' would get.

That would be all down to the ballot box on polling day.

[not sure it's productive to talk about 'sides' but there you go]

Lots to discuss!

The idea was put forward years ago but was shelved after a somewhat 'rowdy' public meeting at Huish Episcopi Comprehensive School hall.

Now it's being proposed again.

So what do you think?

To find out more, air your views and quiz a panel of invited guests - a Question Time style event is being held in the ballroom upstairs in the Langport Arms on

Tuesday 22nd October

Huish Episcopi and Langport residents are invited.

Hosted by a local journalist, it begins at 7pm.

As stated earlier: it's very early days but if you want to get your tuppence-worth in now, stick the date in your diary.

Shouldn't last longer than 90 minutes and then it's straight down to the bar for a good chin wag!

and we've found a better 'borders' map [thanks to SD]

Food for thought eh?

 

That's it for the moment folks.

Thanks for reading and log in again soon!

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Carvery or Curry?

 

 

As technical problems continue with the Langport Arms potato rumbler, a spokeswoman for the hotel - spotted at Curry Rivel garage yesterday - has admitted they may have to start looking "elsewhere" to get the Sunday spuds done.

There are no further details.

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When Two Become One.....

 

Watch This Space!

 Efforts are underway to hold a 'Question Time' style event one evening this month for the public to hear and ask more about proposals to merge Langport Town and Huish Episcopi Parish Councils. 

The independently organised event [not council-run] is supported by the Langport - Where It's To and the Langport & Huish Community Group facebook pages and will be chaired by a local journalist. 

Both leaders of Langport Town and Huish Episcopi parish councils have been invited to sit on the panel along with one or two other individuals. 

The Langport Arms has agreed to host the evening up in the ballroom. All we're waiting for now is our panelists to commit and then we'll have a date for you. 

So watch this space!

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😊

 

Who Do You Think You Are?

 

Anyone in Aller STILL wondering which way their DNA comes from...

We've just had this notification from ancestry.com

Just follow the finger sign!

👍 

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😊

 

CARNIVAL TIME!

 

 

Believe it or not Langport used to have a carnival until the early 1980s with floats and everything, as did Curry Rivel and Hambridge.

 

 

They all sadly don't take place anymore but other processions are still going strong!

Here are your Somerset dates this season:

 

 

If you're going to 'the big one' don't forget brollies, flasks of coffee, hot water bottles and the most compfy shoes you can find!

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😊

WEDNESDAY BULLETIN:

 

Langport businesses still asking why the Friday 'market' gets a mention on 'Welcome To Langport' signs when they don't. 

Oh no, wait , bugger, that's a picture of Chernobyl Funfair not the Friday market.

Nuff said.

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😊

Historians call it 'Pre-One Stop'

 

But here in Langport, if you're old enough, this is known as the 'Pre-VG era' 😊

Until the late 1960s this waterway flowed from North Moor, behind the town hall & through this patch of land and down to the river.

Only when a storm/flood swept through and brought down part of the wall you can see in the picture, did a handful of Langporters put their heads together, scratch their chins, have a pint or 5 in the town's 8-9 pubs and decide that 'hey - maybe cover it over and build a line of shops?'

Building began in 1968/69....

 

With several Langport youngsters having to relocate their eel and minnow catching efforts [including you Malcolm] building got underway.

The precinct, or as many Langporters simply referred to as 'The Carpark' was finished in November 1970 when a handful of locals opened up their shops.

The businesses, in those early days, included Frank Pengelly, AJ Rule's fishing rod and gun shop, Mrs Body's Chocolate Shop Bow Cards [with the exceptional help of Jenny Knight who later took over], fruit & veg shop Country Fayre at the end down where Pendra's is today, VG, Vanessa's and Jaqueline's and Richard Body's men's clothes shop.

Maisie's bakery [not sure about spelling!] was also a huge part of Langport life there in the precinct as was, in one of the older original buildings, Cyril Head - the man behind the project, who always fixed your television set when you were getting Westward instead of HTV [or Mr & Mrs instead of Tales of the Unexpected]

Apologies to the many stores that have come and gone that we've forgotten!

And as many of us remember, there was no 'island' with trees and benches back in the 70s, 80s and 90s....back then you parked wherever your car stopped:

 

 

[I blame British Leyland]

and here we are today in 2024:

 

That's your little trip down memory lane folks!

So if it hadn't been for that storm back in the late 60s this may never have happened! 

Food for thought eh?

Thanks for reading and thanks for the contributions Malcolm Head, Barbara Mills, Steve Pengelly [and his Mum] and Brian Hunt 👍

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DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET

 

 

For Newtown, Meadow Close and Wearne viewers who've been struggling to pick up HTV & Westward in recent weeks - we're delighted to announce that the Trotter brothers fixed the relay aerial up on Garden City corner yesterday. 

Normal service has now been resumed

 

and Gus Honeybun's Birthdays will be on as usual today at 3.55pm.

💗

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😊

S.O.S!

 

SCOUT GROUPS IN TROUBLE

Our local scouts groups, that's over 100 young people, may soon have to cease operations unless vacancies can be filled and more volunteers found. 

The youngsters, pictured here up the rec recently trying to find a local footballer who still uses the sports club instead of going straight down to The Swan after a match, are a great asset to our community and it would be a crying shame if our local group had to fold. 

Admin' roles also need to be filled. 

If you think you can help or want to find out more, e-mail: gslthelevelsscouts@gmail.com

 😊

 

ADVERTISING:

That's it for the moment folks, thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

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😊

 

Check this one out:

 a

Showing off its brand new canopy [many Langport businesses used to have them] Cafe Arteazen has expanded its hours becoming the new early evening venue two nights a week on Cheapside.

 

Worth a look?

 The old caf there on 'post office corner' doesn't get much of an airing online.

Not all businesses in town are members of the Langport 'glitterati' and so we're happy to give it a good shot of publicity!

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😊

NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED:

 

Just a reminder folks High Ham Village Hall is holding a show on Sunday.

[looks like they're holding more than that 😂]

All locally grown fruit & veg, flower displays too.

Starts at 1pm.

Let's hope the village defib machine's working eh.

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YOUR CORRESPONDENCE:

 

Letters (and parcel bombs) to the Editor

A selection of your e-mails and messages to Carry On Langport last month.

😊

 

Dear Sir,

While walking past Huish Academy one day last week, watching a teacher count the genders during a fire drill in the playground, I came across a group of 20-somethings from Essex who said they were lost and couldn't remember where their accommodation was.

They were all wearing 'bling', the women had more make-up on than Boy George when he gets out the shower and the men were in tight jeans and muscle shirts talking about how they don't need indicators on their BMWs.

I am pleased to say that I was able to help and sent them straight down to the former United Reform Church on Bow Street.

If anyone else finds a similar group of youngsters wondering around with the same problem, I suggest they do the same or send an emergency e-mail to info@halulaproperties.com

Yours,

 Percy Sugden.

*****

To Carry On Langport,

Can I just thank everyone who ran to my husband's aid when he passed out at a pub in your area recently.

After tests and scans at A&E in Taunton I am pleased to say it's nothing too serious.

The consultant identified the condition as 'SSS' or Sudden Shock Syndrome.

If anyone wants to read up on it and find out more then I would recommend visiting a website all about the problem.

Its address is:

elevenpoundsforalargeglassofrose@areyoufuckingkiddingme.com

Many thanks and thanks again to all those who picked him up off the floor that evening.

Margaret Meldrew.

*****

Dear Editor,

Does anyone know if there is wifi in the undercroft under the town hall in Langport?

My mother and I got lost in the Vintage Quarter last week (so many narrow streets and little lanes) and if we'd had a decent signal we would have been able to open Google Maps on our phones.

Many thanks.

Gail Tilsley.

*****

To the blogger,

Can I just thank Tesco in Langport who have changed my life in recent weeks.

I now walk so many 'steps' around the supermarket trying to find what I need that I've begun to lose weight and so I've cancelled my membership at Huish Leisure.

With the money saved I can now afford the store's weekly price rises.

Happy shopper here!

George Roper.

*****

Dear Madam,

Now that it's open again, I was wondering if I could move my night staff back to Priest Lane at the weekends?

If anyone knows who now runs the bookings rota, please let me know.

Regards,

Cynthia Payne 

*****

To Carry On Langport,

I suppose now that the Langport - Where It's To facebook page has been adopted by the Langport Area Business Group they'll be reigning it in a tad and we'll have to rely on you to provide the local 'filth' online.

No change there then.

Keep up the good work and don't let the buggers grindr you down!

Yours faithfully,

 

 The Vicar.

😂

That's it for now folks!

Thanks for the contributions, keep'em coming and carry on reading!

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😊

WEEKEND PLANS?

 

It's hard to find all your local what's ons in one place but we'll give it a try!

[Apologies to the events/gigs we've missed]

😊

Live music and....

 

 

😊

 

To the following weekend and at Pitney....

😊

Later this month two great music events at two great pubs just two miles apart.....

😊

Meanwhile, Cider Saturdays are still going strong over at the Temperleys...

😊

and finally

Cartgate Picnic Area on the A303 says it's just opened it's new 'night feature' for visitors who like lorry drivers but can't find a mask....

😕

That's it for the moment folks, thanks for the contributions and log in again soon!

👍

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😊

Oh Dear.....

 

 

It's happening again!

As Carry On Langport approaches its 10th birthday, we're again being accused of inaccurate reporting and spreading rumours. Never, really?

It's kinda what we've been doing since 2015 [always an ounce or two of truth to many stories though] 

But as long as no media laws [there are many] are broken and as long as you keep contributing with your dodgy photographs, naughty videos and great stories....we shall carry on! 

👍

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😊

SATURDAY NEWS:

 

New layout at Tesco 'worse than Lidl' as woman dies of old age looking for cat food.

There are no further details.

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THERE SHE BLOWS!

 

 

HERE SHE GOES AGAIN! 

Our MP can't help herself this year, still using phrases like "vital projects" about the misguided campaign to get us a railway station. 

She's gone one better this time, check out "my constituents cannot wait any longer" 

Priceless. That really is a belter Sarah. 

She's quite right of course. Life around here with railway stations at all points of the compass about 30 minutes away really is bloody awful. 

Half of Bow Street's moving to Gaza next week. It's just shocking. 

Keep up the good work Sarah [representing public concerns and opinions apparently]

We eagerly await your next calm and understated railway station campaign publication which we believe is entitled 'ELE' which for the uninformed stands for Extinction Level Event.

 

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😊 

 

Olympic Water Events Relocating to Parrett?

 

Garlic or Cider? 

Vous Decidez!

As Paris continues to struggle with pollution levels in the River Seine for its Olympic events, there are unconfirmed reports Langport Town Council has offered the use of the Cocklemoor stretch of the River Parrett.

"We've suggested hosting the Paddle Board and Fishing events" said a spokeswoman.

French officials are said to be interested in the idea but have questioned whether the Somerset waterway is in fact cleaner than La Seine.

"on no it's still polluted" said a local, "just got less garlic and more cider.....same difference"

If Cocklemoor does host the games then it's believed the Paddle Board Relay will have an extra element added at the end as a special 'thank you' to Langport.

Once competitors have crossed the finish line - they then get out, have a giant picnic and leave as much rubbish as they can piled up on and around the benches and at nearby litter bins.

As for the fishing event - it's believed that would involve competitors refusing to fish anywhere along the river between Bow Bridge and Black Bridge because there are now far too many paddle boarders to make it worth bothering with.

 

IN OTHER OLYMPIC NEWS

 

 

In Paris last night the Turkish team won the Chasing a Customer Down the Street with a Pair of Tongs 100 metres.

Chubby, who until recently ran the kebab house in Langport, took the gold. 

[for the uninformed....there is a video but we're sitting on it for a while longer]

😂

That's your Carry On Langport Olympic Bulletin folks.

Thanks for the contributions and log in again soon!

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Can anyone fix my Hadron Collider?

 

It was another successful day at the monthly Langport Repair Cafe yesterday at All Saints Hall! 

However.....and the organisers/menders are far far too polite to say this so - based on what we observed yesterday - we'll do it for them..... 

This is a quick [quick-ish] fix pop-up repair cafe run by volunteers. 

Now you know Carry On Langport doesn't like to exaggerate [😂] but wheeling in knackered Easyjet engines, nuclear reactors or missile launchers is ever so slightly taking the mick.

 

 

And you can look as grumpy as you like Doc but they don't do time machines either. 

They're always willing to try but when they only ask for a minimum donation of a fiver.....well then you get the gist. 

Other than that, as happens every month, 99% of people turned up yesterday with very realistic 'repair' requests and enjoyed the tea/coffee and cakes on offer while they waited.

 The next one [we think] is the last Saturday in August.

Been going two years now and always looking for new menders if you have any skills you'd like to offer once a month. 

You can dip in and out as often as you like and it runs all year.

That's your Sunday bulletin folks.

👍 

carryonlangport.blogspot.com

 Rocking the boat since 2015

😊 

 

Letter from a Pooch:

 

Dear Carry On Langport,

Every Friday I get this. 

"Walkies!" they shout at me "Come on, we're just popping down to Eli's for a few pints of cider" 

All I get is a bowl of warm water. 

Every Friday it's the same and every Friday it's me who has to walk them home. 

It's disgusting, I'm fed up with it.

Yours, 

Rover.

PS - Glad Priest Lane's finally back open though! Got somewhere to cock me leg again on the way back!

👍

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😊

ISN'T IT AWFUL LIVING AROUND HERE!

BUILD A FENCE! BUILD A FENCE!

Figures from the Home Office have revealed 14 more families moved out of Langport last month.

A Whitehall spokeswoman told Carry On Langport it was largely down to cows being allowed access to the footpath along North Moor [to Tesco] and the lack of a railway station.

It's reported the cow issue should soon be resolved with several thousands of pounds about to be spent on a fence along the entire stretch of the [pictured] footpath. Thank God for that eh. How have we managed the last thousand years without a fence?

As for public transport, it's reported people from Ukraine and Gaza are even moving out saying Langport and Somerton without a railway station are "absolutely unbearable".

Couldn't agree more - no job prospects or quality of life since Westover and Eastover stations closed in the 1960s. It's been a nightmare hasn't it.

But have no fear, our Lib-Dem MP has already written to the new Minister in charge of public transport about our 'ordeal' here in Langport....

 

How have we all managed these last 6 decades? Having to get to Yeovil, Taunton, Castle Cary or Sherborne to get a train.....bloody disgusting.

 

IN OTHER NEWS:

 

 

Nice bit of sneaky advertising there on the Town Council website for a riverside cafe [partly run by a town councillor]

Other good riverside cafes are available. Like the Kitchen at The Wharf....

 

....which would have been in the town council website video had the passenger boat been filmed coming through the bridge the other way.

👍

And finally...

 Who'd have thought it? Pibsbury's having a festival!

£100 to camp up there for the duration or £20 for day tickets [£15 if bought online in advance]

This is up Windmill Lane if you're wondering where tiz.

Here's the link to the website, click on it to find out more...

PIBSBURY FESTIVAL

That's it for the moment folks.

Don't forget the Somerset Steam Fair & Country Show this weekend up on the hill outside Pitney.

£14 on the gate, children go free.

Next time: news from the new Bow Street 'party house' and who's going to cut the ribbon at the official reopening of Priest Lane?

Log in again soon!

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