Wednesday Bulletin!

MIDNIGHT ARSE MASS ANYONE?

The United Reform Church says it's investigating claims a couple who, while staying in Langport over the festive season, mistakenly visited one of its former chapels on Christmas Eve.

Audrey and Rupert Rimburn from Grimsby have accused the URC of not updating its website after they went to Bow Street expecting to attend midnight mass.

Unbeknown to the Rimburns, Langport's United Reform Church closed 2 years ago and has since been turned into a massive air B&B style 'party house' attracting groups of over 20 people from all over the country.

"Walking towards the gates and expecting a good service" said Mrs Rimburn, "we were disgusted to hear people inside singing Give Me Oil Up My Ramp, Keep Me Gurning"

"Furthermore, 3 middle-aged women then fell out of the chapel's main door laughing and mooned at traffic outside a local takeaway called Ichi Tong" she added, "which we found doubly disgusting"

Hula Hoop Properties, which runs the Bow Street venue plus others in High Ham and Westport, declined to comment saying it preferred not to get involved in 'church business'

The company also refused to confirm or deny rumours it's currently got its eyes on Portcullis House and Ashley House.

There are no further details.

😊

In other news

NOT FOR HIRE

An independent taxi service around Langport and the surrounding towns and villages is no longer operating after its founder and driver finally retired.

Joy of Joy's Taxis, or 'Taxidermus Joyeaux' as the Romans called her, has decided to call it a day and have a much deserved break.

We wish her well! 

Our area has long been under-served by local taxi companies and now with Joy quitting, that gap in the market has widened further.

Any takers? 

😊

And finally

It's Wassail Season! 

Or as us locals look at it, just another excuse to go out and get pissed up in winter....

Two listed for you so far, the first one is this Saturday down past Aller:

 

The carpark at Bere is known for filling up very quickly. That, combined with narrow country lanes, it may be a good idea to sort out some sort of car share or even a lift there folks. You have been warned!

The second Wassail we have for you isn't until next month and is in Low Ham.

Some of you may well have tried a pint or five of Tricky's cider at the steam fair last summer:

 [and then woken up hugging an old boiler at 4am in the main arena 😂]

Worth a look!

That's all we have for the moment and that's your Wednesday bulletin folks. 

Thanks for the contributions 

[the mooning thing actually happened down outside the party house apparently 😂 if only somebody had taken a few pictures!]

Log in again soon!

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Established 2015

😊

BREAKING NEWS:

 

 As Canada, Greenland and Panama digest yesterday's news, Donald Trump's just confirmed he put in a bid for Huish Episcopi on Ebay last night. 

There are no further details but we'll keep you updated as more information comes in.

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 😊

Oh dear...

FRIDAY BULLETIN:

Local optician apologises as work experience girl sends Langport customers 'wrong' D.I.Y eye chart for Christmas.

 

 

Oh dear!

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 😊

Ho Ho Ho!

 Wishing you all a happy Christmas!

Have a great day and week of festivities and make sure you don't miss the big TV event of the year. 

It's the final episode and everyone's talking about it! 

 

 

Enjoy!

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😊

ALL BETTER NOW!

 

Delighted to see they're all doing well

This was the 40th anniversary Tone Vale reunion at Pitney yesterday.

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😊

Thanks for that then.....

 

BREAKING NEWS: 

Langport & Huish residents [pictured] have announced plans to bugger off in a coach to Weymouth next week after hearing local pubs, who they've supported all year [and much of their lives], can't be arsed to stay open until midnight on New year's Eve.

Hey ho there ya go.

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😊

PUBIC MEETING TODAY (Dec 10th)

 

 [sorry - the keyboard's paying up again]

 

 

Remember the application for 100 new homes on the agricultural land on this field? On your left as you drive across Kelways roundabout in the Somerton direction?

You remember....the one over 100 people objected to on South Somerset District Council's website but they approved anyway. That's the one! 

There's a meeting about it at the town hall today (Dec 10th)

....and as the poster above says "Your opinions are really important to us"

 

IN OTHER NEWS:

It's going to be bloody windy this weekend across the shire folks, even talk of 70mph gusts on Saturday afternoon which is already causing a handful of local events to be scrapped.

Including the above which many people had put a lot of time and effort in to. Commiserations, can't be helped....it certainly sounds like we need to batten down the hatches!

Not everyone's disappointed at the decision to scrap the fireworks though.

"I'd rather have storm Darragh." said Victor Meldrew from his home on Cheapside, 

"At least I'll be able to hear it"

NEWS FROM 'THE NORTH FACE'

Trees, bramble, thistle and other debris have been removed from the banks of the backwater along North Moor this week.

Trouble is...looks like the old gravel path to and from Tesco has gone as well.

While that's being sorted out....look what the removal of thick bramble over the stonework has uncovered at the back of the town garden:

 

The two arches on the right seem to have surprised a few people.

Any thoughts?

😊

 

AND FINALLY:

If you've never been, this is right on our doorsteps folks....

 

That's your Friday bulletin done and dusted. 

Thanks for the contributions, carry on reading and don't park your cars under any trees....Darragh's on his way!

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😊

Back In The Day:

 

 

Who remembers this? 

Broadcasting across Somerset from the Mendip Mast this commercial radio station in Taunton had half the county listening in its heyday. 

Launching today in 1989 it made household names of DJs like Bob McCreadie, Phil Easton and Steve Carpenter. Jeremy Kyle even did a stint on Saturday mornings [no really - he did] 

A radio station in the county, for the county & staffed by people from the county (unlike Greatest Hits Somerset which fails to tick all 3 of those boxes] 

Thank you Orchard FM!

🧡

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😊

 

How much?!

A selection of your correspondence to Carry On Langport this week:

*****

Dear Sir,

As affordable homes to rent for locals starting out in life continue to be replaced by Air B&Bs and a growing number of shops take the decision to sell a ceramic egg cup for 45 quid, can I say that my wife and I are delighted that we chose to move to Langport from Surrey.

We're even more delighted that the Home Office is considering renaming Bow Street 'Chelsea High Street'

Please pass on our congratulations to the town's Glitterati, all we need now is a railway station and a branch of H&M and the town's totally fit for us.

Regards,

Jerry Leadbetter

 

*****

 

To the local blogger,

As we only make between £50 (on a bad day) and £150 (on a half decent day) on our market stall selling crockery from my late mother-in-law's pantry, my husband and I decided earlier this week that the current fee of 70 pounds to have a stall at the Thursday night Christmas market in Langport was just a tad too much for us.

We will, though, continue to sell our goods in Frome, despite the fact that working class locals there have now been completely driven out and only shop in the overpriced convenience store.

Many thanks.

Sophie Wessex 

*****

Dear Carry On Langport,

Can I just say how delighted we all were to hear that the price of a plot at the Langport Christmas market this week was so cheap.

In fact, my staff and I don't think you're getting value for money and if you really want to drive out all the local artisans completely, we think it should at least be doubled.....tripled even.

[I mean who needs a hugely popular curry stall?]

Please pass on to whom it may concern.

Many thanks.

Every one at the Newt, Castle Cary.

 

*****

To the Editor,

Bruton used to be a bit like Langport.

Then we brought in the townies, daft market stall plot prices, a bunch of business owners who think they're in Frome - sorry - Canterbury and started renaming places and local landmarks to make them sound more middle class.

Then it all went tits up and lots its soul.

Careful what you wish for Langport.

Best wishes,

The Mayor of Bruton [now living on a housing estate in Bristol]

*****

To the Carry On bloke,

Shopping in Bath this week, waiting to get my 'If you want a good market, you've got to pay for it' T-shirt printed, I bumped in to some friends - Devon and Sky - who in between skiing holidays in the Alps and Safaris in Kenya have started making tiny cheap little leather bracelets and selling them for 20 quid.

"Where do you think they wouldn't be at all popular at that price?" they asked.

I didn't hesitate to suggest my home town of Langport which, sadly, they turned their noses up at within seconds.

This is what we have to put up with. Complete negativity from the upper classes.

If only we had a railway station, a branch of John Lewis and a private school then we could be just like Bruton......fucked.

Many thanks.

George Roper.

 

*****

 

That's it for this week folks!

Thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

carryonlangport.blogspot.com

[rocking the boat since 2015]

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😊

Green Light For Local Sauna!

Langport Freemasons have given the new sauna at Black Bridge the thumbs up.

Members of the lodge, pictured at the venue, gave the new facility a 'test run' yesterday saying they were most impressed with the set up.

The Rambling Hearth Sauna is a portable / mobile one which will be down at the bridge on a handful of dates over the coming months beginning next weekend.

 

[actual picture]

"We thoroughly enjoyed our time there" said master of the Hanging Chapel Lodge Monty Mountbatten.

 "We were even more impressed when we realised we could double park on all sides of the bridge blocking access to everyone else everytime we visit"

But Cynthia Payne, who runs Priest Lane Leisure Centre, said she was concerned the new Sauna might affect her business.

"Since the repair work took place, my clients can no longer lean back on the walls which has lead to many of them going elsewhere....the Sauna could be the nail in the coffin"

Derek Trotter, current chairman of the Langport Group of Businesses & Trade (LGBT+) said he hoped the two would complement one another and that he intended to give both his custom.

To find out more about the new sauna at The Bridge of Colour, see prices, and book click HERE 

👍

In Other News:

Quite a lot, but it can't be published.

Suffice it to say the inmates are still running the asylum.

Thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

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😊

TRAVEL NEWS:

 

 

From Our Local MP Sarah Dyke...

Langport life continues to fail, dwindle and die out completely as the town faces its sixth decade without a railway station. 

Isn't it awful.

[confused.com?]

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😊

 

Your Correspondence:

A selection of your e-mails and messages from the last four weeks

Dear Carry On Langport,

Walking along Bond's Pool the other day (one of Somerset's narrowest lanes) watching a parent turn up in the QE2 to drop a single child off at the scout hut, my wife and I realised we'd walked in to Huish Episcopi without our passports.

Since then we've been held at the local academy Detention Centre which I must say is marvellous. I had no idea you could get so many cats in to one building. The selection of pronouns is also outstanding.

Many thanks.

Charles Hawtrey.

 

*****

 

To the local blog,

Pizzas are fine but does anyone know if we are getting the curry people back anytime soon?

Regards,

The Kumars @ Number 42

 

*****

 

Dear Sir,

Once again this town council has f*@!?*** the @!?**! when all they needed to do was pay the @!?££*! and have a bit of forethought, picked up the phone and asked around but no they've @!££***! the f***@£! things again.

Many thanks.

Alf Garnett, The Pontoon Appreciation Society.

  

*****

To the Blog Bloke,

After several weeks of disruption at Langport Tesco, it's all finally been worth it!

The new layout and wider aisles means even more of us can now bump in to each other and stop and talk for 20 minutes, blocking access for people trying to do their shopping.

Could you pass on our thanks to the designers, workmen and staff.

Best wishes,

From everyone who went to the local primary school.

PS - still can't find the cottage cheese though.

*****

 To C.O.L,

Could we pass on our appreciation to the people of Bow Street who have had to deal with some of our clients in recent months.

Since we turned the font in to a urinal, converted the organ in to a smart speaker and the altar in to a tequila bar.....our party house at the former United Reform Church has gone from strength to strength.

However, we are aware that a small number of our guests have escaped in recent weeks, entering local establishments, asking for things local people have never heard of and making a real hash of pronouncing Huish Episcopi.

We are working on the problem and hope to resolve the issue soon.

Many thanks.

Hula Hoop Properties.

*****

To whom it may concern,

As Carry On Langport approaches its 10th birthday, can I complain about some of the rather cheap and smutty innuendo in some of your reports.

In future, I hope that whenever you detect the slightest hint of double entendre in your work that you whip it out immediately.

Many thanks.

Kenneth Williams.

 

*****

😁

That's it for now folks!

Thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

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😊

SUNDAY BULLETIN:

All Change at Sky News

Sky News has unveiled its new look 'winter news team'

In a bid to cheer up viewers during the darker months, bulletins will be coming from this studio in Bali.

Presenters will be Christine Cagney and Marybeth Lacey.

Their agent Benny Hill told Carry On Langport they go on air a week tomorrow.

😊

 

Housing News

Over 250 people, looking to rent in Langport, have reportedly applied to work for the local abattoir this month.

It's now the only way you can get a room, house or flat in the town.

Halula Properties , which has one of its 'party houses' here in Langport [pictured], says it's "holding out" despite allegedly being approached by Paddy Power and his mates a number of times.

😊

 

Some news just in, we've just heard:

The Langport & District 2024 Autumn Fly Tipping prize this year has been awarded to....

The person/people who did this.

10 out of 10!

Don't worry, the manageress teleported in to the shop that morning, she didn't need to use the door. 

😡

 

In other news: 

Nice lie-in was it?

 

Putting the clock's going back last night aside for a moment, for many working folk Sundays are the only mornings of the week when you can sleep a little longer without the dreaded alarm clock telling you it's time to get up.

Not so in Langport this morning, where 3 leaf blowers sprung in to action in the town centre at 6:30am. 

SIX BLEEDIN' THIRTY!

 Thanks for that Somerset Council.

😠

And Finally

 

Many thanks to these four people who came to speak about and answer questions on the future of Langport Town and Huish Episcopi Parish councils last week.

Our very own version of Question Time took place in the Langport Arms Hotel ballroom on Tuesday evening.

Cheers, applause, the odd boo and even some laughter came from the audience of around 70/80 people.

Still a long way to go but an interesting evening and thanks again to Julia Gadd, Sean Dromgoole, Ryan O'Malley and John Wood.....

 

....and staff at the Arms [pictured]

 

*****

 

That's your Sunday bulletin done and dusted folks.

Thanks for the contributions and log in again soon!

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😊

Coming up next week:

 

Chaired by a local journalist with a panel of local guests to answer your questions, this is a week tonight folks!

Not BBC Question Time by the way, we've just 'borrowed' the title.

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😊

Public Meeting

 

See how Langport Town is dwarfed by Huish Episcopi Parish:

 

[Editor's Note: rather difficult to get that border line accurate - this is just to give an impression of the difference in size between the two - sorry folks!] 

👍

It's very early days, but moves are underway to disband Langport Town Council and Huish Episcopi Parish Council. 

The two would be replaced by a single authority with a number of responsibilities and would have control over how to spend money largely raised by council tax payments across Langport and Huish.

How many councillors would sit on any new body is yet to be ironed out and being an elected council, there's no predicting how many councillors both 'sides' would get.

That would be all down to the ballot box on polling day.

[not sure it's productive to talk about 'sides' but there you go]

Lots to discuss!

The idea was put forward years ago but was shelved after a somewhat 'rowdy' public meeting at Huish Episcopi Comprehensive School hall.

Now it's being proposed again.

So what do you think?

To find out more, air your views and quiz a panel of invited guests - a Question Time style event is being held in the ballroom upstairs in the Langport Arms on

Tuesday 22nd October

Huish Episcopi and Langport residents are invited.

Hosted by a local journalist, it begins at 7pm.

As stated earlier: it's very early days but if you want to get your tuppence-worth in now, stick the date in your diary.

Shouldn't last longer than 90 minutes and then it's straight down to the bar for a good chin wag!

and we've found a better 'borders' map [thanks to SD]

Food for thought eh?

 

That's it for the moment folks.

Thanks for reading and log in again soon!

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😊

Carvery or Curry?

 

 

As technical problems continue with the Langport Arms potato rumbler, a spokeswoman for the hotel - spotted at Curry Rivel garage yesterday - has admitted they may have to start looking "elsewhere" to get the Sunday spuds done.

There are no further details.

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😊

When Two Become One.....

 

Watch This Space!

 Efforts are underway to hold a 'Question Time' style event one evening this month for the public to hear and ask more about proposals to merge Langport Town and Huish Episcopi Parish Councils. 

The independently organised event [not council-run] is supported by the Langport - Where It's To and the Langport & Huish Community Group facebook pages and will be chaired by a local journalist. 

Both leaders of Langport Town and Huish Episcopi parish councils have been invited to sit on the panel along with one or two other individuals. 

The Langport Arms has agreed to host the evening up in the ballroom. All we're waiting for now is our panelists to commit and then we'll have a date for you. 

So watch this space!

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😊

 

Who Do You Think You Are?

 

Anyone in Aller STILL wondering which way their DNA comes from...

We've just had this notification from ancestry.com

Just follow the finger sign!

👍 

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😊

 

CARNIVAL TIME!

 

 

Believe it or not Langport used to have a carnival until the early 1980s with floats and everything, as did Curry Rivel and Hambridge.

 

 

They all sadly don't take place anymore but other processions are still going strong!

Here are your Somerset dates this season:

 

 

If you're going to 'the big one' don't forget brollies, flasks of coffee, hot water bottles and the most compfy shoes you can find!

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😊

WEDNESDAY BULLETIN:

 

Langport businesses still asking why the Friday 'market' gets a mention on 'Welcome To Langport' signs when they don't. 

Oh no, wait , bugger, that's a picture of Chernobyl Funfair not the Friday market.

Nuff said.

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😊

Historians call it 'Pre-One Stop'

 

But here in Langport, if you're old enough, this is known as the 'Pre-VG era' 😊

Until the late 1960s this waterway flowed from North Moor, behind the town hall & through this patch of land and down to the river.

Only when a storm/flood swept through and brought down part of the wall you can see in the picture, did a handful of Langporters put their heads together, scratch their chins, have a pint or 5 in the town's 8-9 pubs and decide that 'hey - maybe cover it over and build a line of shops?'

Building began in 1968/69....

 

With several Langport youngsters having to relocate their eel and minnow catching efforts [including you Malcolm] building got underway.

The precinct, or as many Langporters simply referred to as 'The Carpark' was finished in November 1970 when a handful of locals opened up their shops.

The businesses, in those early days, included Frank Pengelly, AJ Rule's fishing rod and gun shop, Mrs Body's Chocolate Shop Bow Cards [with the exceptional help of Jenny Knight who later took over], fruit & veg shop Country Fayre at the end down where Pendra's is today, VG, Vanessa's and Jaqueline's and Richard Body's men's clothes shop.

Maisie's bakery [not sure about spelling!] was also a huge part of Langport life there in the precinct as was, in one of the older original buildings, Cyril Head - the man behind the project, who always fixed your television set when you were getting Westward instead of HTV [or Mr & Mrs instead of Tales of the Unexpected]

Apologies to the many stores that have come and gone that we've forgotten!

And as many of us remember, there was no 'island' with trees and benches back in the 70s, 80s and 90s....back then you parked wherever your car stopped:

 

 

[I blame British Leyland]

and here we are today in 2024:

 

That's your little trip down memory lane folks!

So if it hadn't been for that storm back in the late 60s this may never have happened! 

Food for thought eh?

Thanks for reading and thanks for the contributions Malcolm Head, Barbara Mills, Steve Pengelly [and his Mum] and Brian Hunt 👍

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😊

  

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET

 

 

For Newtown, Meadow Close and Wearne viewers who've been struggling to pick up HTV & Westward in recent weeks - we're delighted to announce that the Trotter brothers fixed the relay aerial up on Garden City corner yesterday. 

Normal service has now been resumed

 

and Gus Honeybun's Birthdays will be on as usual today at 3.55pm.

💗

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😊

S.O.S!

 

SCOUT GROUPS IN TROUBLE

Our local scouts groups, that's over 100 young people, may soon have to cease operations unless vacancies can be filled and more volunteers found. 

The youngsters, pictured here up the rec recently trying to find a local footballer who still uses the sports club instead of going straight down to The Swan after a match, are a great asset to our community and it would be a crying shame if our local group had to fold. 

Admin' roles also need to be filled. 

If you think you can help or want to find out more, e-mail: gslthelevelsscouts@gmail.com

 😊

 

ADVERTISING:

That's it for the moment folks, thanks for the contributions and carry on reading!

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😊